Link's Answering Machine
by Flare Dragoness Reshiram
Summary: Hi, you've reached Link. I'm not home right now, so leave your name, number and a brief message please... beep Insanity bound to ensue. Rated for language and sexual comments.
1. Link's Answering Machine

**A few of these are in the Mortal Kombat section. So I decided to do this.**

Link's Answering Machine

Hi, you've reached Link. I'm not home right now. Please leave your name, number, and a brief message, please.

**(beep)**

Hi, Link, it's Zelda. Ganondorf kidnapped me again. Can you please save me?

**(beep)**

Link, this is Ganondorf! I've got your girlfriend! Ha ha ha ha ha ha!

**(beep)**

Yo, this is Dark Link! I want my porn back, dude!

**(beep)**

Vaati, here. You took my sandwich at the Picori Festival! I WILL AVENGE MY SANDWICH!

**(beep)**

Linkie! It's me, Ilia! Can you help me tie my shoe please?

**(beep)**

Hey, it's Malo. I need my money, man.

**(beep)**

Hi Link. It's Midna. Are we still on for Saturday night?

**(beep)**

This is Malon from Lon Lon Ranch. You're shipment of muffin mix and Lon Lon Milk came in.

**(beep)**

HEY, THIS IS TALIM! I SLEPT WITH KILIK, XIANGHUA! MUHAHAHAHA! …Oops… wrong number…

**(beep)**

Ganon again. I also forgot to ask if you have any jumper cables. My car broke down again…

**(beep)**

Dark Link again. Where the hell is my damn porn?!

**(beep)**

Hey, it's Saria, Link. What was that red bump on your neck yesterday?

**(beep)**

Vaati here. I WANT MY DAMN SANDWICH!

**(beep)**

It's Pit. Did you take my bow and arrow again, Link?

**(beep)**

Hey, Peach here! Could you please tell Zelda to give me my parasol back?

**(beep)**

Zelda again. Tell Peach that she's not getting her parasol back until she gives back my dress!

**(beep)**

Malo again. Dude, where's my money?

**(beep)**

Pit here. IF I FIND OUT THAT YOU MASTURBATED WITH MY BOW AGAIN, I'LL SHOOT YOUR (bleep)ING HEAD OFF! YOU HEAR ME? (slam)

**(beep)**

Midna here. Zant's gone crazy again. He turned me back into an imp…

**(beep) **

Zelda here. Just killed Ganon. I'm fine. Come to my house later so we can have some pizza and watch Dancing with the Stars.

**(beep)**

Pit again. I found my bow and arrow. It was in Falco's room. Although, I'd like to know what this white creamy substance this is on it…

**(beep)**

Beth here. Ilia broke into your house and stole your boxers again…

**(beep)**

This is Dr. Smile's office. We're calling to confirm your root canal appointment for the 22nd.

**(beep)**

I accidentally killed Zelda with my parasol! What do I do?!

**(beep)**

This is Veran! Could you kindly tell my sister, Midna, to please GIVE ME MY CROTCH-LESS THONG BACK!

**(beep)**

It's Zant! You got my Ipod! Give it back!

**(beep)**

Mr. Link Galestorm, according to our records, you owe Bank of Hyrule 20,374 rupees.

**(beep)**

Screw you, I'll just have Ralph make me another sandwich…

**(beep) **

Veran again. Tell Midna I also need my cupless bra! Oh, and tell Vaati that I ate his sandwich.

**(beep)**

This is Fierce Deity Link! Dude, I need my Double Helix Sword back so I can kick Majora's ass!

**(beep)**

Yo, Mario! I've got Peach! Bwahahahaha! Oh wait, this is Link's phone. 'Sup, Link?!

**(beep)**

Hey, Elf Dude, it's Nightmare. Raphael stole Soul Edge from me… again. Can you help?

**(beep)**

It's Malo! Where's that rupee you owe me? Time to pay up!

**(beep)**

Hi, Link. It's Farore. Do you have any beer left? Nayru drunk all the Heineken and Din stole my Arbor Mist!

**(beep)**

Link, it's Midnight. Did you see Grey's Anatomy last night?

**(beep)**

Midna again. Zant turned me into a poodle. PLEASE HELP!

**(beep)**

Ooo! Ooo! Ook! _Got any food, dude?_

**(beep) **

End of Messages

--

**How was it? **


	2. Link's Responses

**Alright, I have Link's responses. **

**But Numbers 1-7, 10-12, 14-22, 24-27, 29, and 31-36 are not mine at all. One of my reviewers, Teros, suggested these him/herself. The only ones I did are 8,9, 13, 23, 28, 30, and 37.**

**So enjoy, and Thanks to Teros for voluntarily helping me! **

Link's Responses

**37 New Messages**

Link: Damn… Well, may as well see who's called me…

_**(beep)**_

**1. Hi, Link, it's Zelda. Ganondorf kidnapped me again. Can you please save me?**

Link: Go save yourself. Also, try getting some guards that don't suck.

_**(beep)**_

**2. Link, this is Ganondorf! I've got your girlfriend! Ha ha ha ha ha ha!**

Link: One, she's not my girlfriend and two, you can keep her for all I care.

_**(beep)**_

**3. Yo, this is Dark Link! I want my porn back, dude!**

Link: Dude, I gave it back three days ago.

_**(beep)**_

**4. Vaati, here. You took my sandwich at the Picori Festival! I WILL AVENGE MY SANDWICH!**

Link: Well maybe if you would hold onto the damn sandwich you wouldn't lose it.

_**(beep)**_

**5. Linkie! It's me, Ilia! Can you help me tie my shoe please?**

Link: Tie it yourself.

_**(beep)**_

**6. Hey, it's Malo. I need my money, man.**

Link: Get your own damn money, ya moocher!

_**(beep)**_

**7. Hi Link. It's Midna. Are we still on for Saturday night? **

Link: Yeah, I'll call if something comes up but we should still be on.

_**(beep)**_

**8. This is Malon from Lon Lon Ranch. You're shipment of muffin mix and Lon Lon Milk came in.**

(Message has been deleted for being eight years old.)

_**(beep)**_

**9. HEY, THIS IS TALIM! I SLEPT WITH KILIK, XIANGHUA! MUHAHAHAHA! …Oops… wrong number…**

(Message has been deleted for stupidity.)

_**(beep)**_

**10. Ganon again. I also forgot to ask if you have any jumper cables. My car broke down again…**

Link: Yeah, okay, I'll bring them over. You should really get that car serviced.

_**(beep)**_

**11. Dark Link again. Where the hell is my damn porn?!**

Link: Its next to your bed, I gave it back three days ago.

_**(beep)**_

**12. Hey, it's Saria, Link. What was that red bump on your neck yesterday?**

Link: Some kid shot me with a slingshot.

_**(beep)**_

**13. Vaati here. I WANT MY DAMN SANDWICH**!

(Message has been deleted for annoyance.)

_**(beep)**_

**14. It's Pit. Did you take my bow and arrow again, Link?**

Link: Did you forget, you asked me to go get it restrung today.

_**(beep)**_

**15. Hey, Peach here! Could you please tell Zelda to give me my parasol back?**

Link: She's a bit kidnapped at the moment, but okay.

_**(beep)**_

**16. Zelda again. Tell Peach that she's not getting her parasol back until she gives back my dress!**

Link: Why don't you go sort it out yourself.

_**(beep)**_

**17. Malo again. Dude, where's my money?**

Link: Malo, man, you ain't no pimp, dude.

_**(beep)**_

**18. Pit here. IF I FIND OUT THAT YOU MASTURBATED WITH MY BOW AGAIN, I'LL SHOOT YOUR (bleep)ING HEAD OFF! YOU HEAR ME? (slam)**

Link: It never happened the first time. Also, you couldn't shoot my head off because your bow skills suck.

_**(beep)**_

**19. Midna here. Zant's gone crazy again. He turned me back into an imp…**

Link: That B----D! I'LL FECKING KILL HIM!

_**(beep) **_

**20. Zelda here. Just killed Ganon. I'm fine. Come to my house later so we can have some pizza and watch Dancing with the Stars.**

Link: Sorry, I'm kind of busy today. Look, I'll make it up to you this Tuesday.

_**(beep)**_

**21. Pit again. I found my bow and arrow. It was in Falco's room. Although, I'd like to know what this white creamy substance this is on it…**

Link: Oh yea, I had your bow cleaned when I got it restrung. It must be a little excess from the cleaning stuff.

_**(beep)**_

**22. Beth here. Ilia broke into your house and stole your boxers again… **

Link: Thanks for the heads up.

_**(beep)**_

**23. This is Dr. Smile's office. We're calling to confirm your root canal appointment for the 22nd.**

(Message deleted for pain factor.)

_**(beep)**_

**24. I accidentally killed Zelda with my parasol! What do I do?!**

Link: Bury the remains.

_**(beep)**_

**25. This is Veran! Could you kindly tell my sister, Midna, to please GIVE ME MY CROTCH-LESS THONG BACK!**

Link: Ask her yourself.

_**(beep)**_

**26. It's Zant! You got my Ipod! Give it back!**

Link: I never took it. Also, could you turn Midna back?

_**(beep)**_

**27. Mr. Link Galestorm, according to our records, you owe Bank of Hyrule 20,374 rupees**.

Link: Someone's stolen my identity.

_**(beep)**_

**28. Screw you, I'll just have Ralph make me another sandwich…**

(Message deleted for annoyance.)

_**(beep) **_

**29. Veran again. Tell Midna I also need my cupless bra! Oh, and tell Vaati that I ate his sandwich.**

Link: Ask her yourself.

_**(beep)**_

**30. This is Fierce Deity Link! Dude, I need my Double Helix Sword back so I can kick Majora's ass!**

(Message deleted for being seven years old.)

_**(beep)**_

**31. Yo, Mario! I've got Peach! Bwahahahaha! Oh wait, this is Link's phone. 'Sup, Link?!**

Link: You really need to start thinking up some new plans.

_**(beep)**_

**32. Hey, Elf Dude, it's Nightmare. Raphael stole Soul Edge from me… again. Can you help?**

Link: How do you keep losing Soul Edge to that Limey Pansy?

_**(beep)**_

**33. It's Malo! Where's that rupee you owe me? Time to pay up!**

Link: Just cut some grass, there's plenty of cash there.

_**(beep)**_

**34. Hi, Link. It's Farore. Do you have any beer left? Nayru drunk all the Heineken and Din stole my Arbor Mist!**

Link: All I've got is rolling rock. Is that okay?

_**(beep)**_

**35. Link, it's Midnight. Did you see Grey's Anatomy last night?**

Link: Missed that episode.

_**(beep)**_

**36. Midna again. Zant turned me into a poodle. PLEASE HELP!**

Link: Yeah, busy trying to find my sword, that nancy boy Marth probably took it.

_**(beep)**_

**37. Ooo! Ooo! Ook! **_**Got any food, dude?**_

(Message deleted for stupidity.)

_**(beep) **_

**End of Messages**

Link: I don't get paid enough for this…

--

**Hope you like! **


End file.
